More than a mentor: How mentorship helps LGBTQ teens navigate the world
With the support of mentorship, LGBTTQ teens are able to find their belonging in the community
By Heidi Lee
At a young age, Phoebe Chow felt like she was kind of “different” from the rest of her friends when it comes to attraction. When she discovered that she was bisexual in Grade 9, she was fortunate enough to have a senior at her high school with whom she could discuss her confusion around her sexuality.
Chow went to the senior because she knew the friend was bisexual. “She was able to tell me how she knows she's not straight,” said Chow.
At that time, Chow thought there was something wrong with her— that she wasn’t normal because of the church’s teaching on sexuality.
“But she always talked to me and let me know there's nothing wrong with being bisexual,” said Chow.
Now, Chow is an eighteen-year-old in a committed relationship with her girlfriend. However, not everyone in her friend circle knows about her true self.
Since she goes to church regularly, in which the church she is currently attending strongly stands against the LGBTQ community. On top of that, she is enrolled in a Christian school in Markham.
“Not all my friends know about us, especially those with a religious background. I don't want to lose friends because of my sexuality,” said Chow as she held on tighter to her girlfriend’s hand.
For many LGBTQ teens like Chow, navigating in a society that is not inclusive is very overwhelming. Mentorship, whether it is from an organization or a peer, has become a safe haven for LGBTQ teenagers.
According to Rainbow Health Ontario, LGBTQ youth have an increased risk of suicide, substance abuse, isolation and experiencing sexual abuse. It is estimated that LGBTQ+ youths are 14 times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual counterparts.
Luckily, a Canadian study found that support from family and friends helps reduce stress for young gays, lesbians and bisexuals. Additionally, a good support system could lower internalized homophobia, which will lead to positive mental health.
Chow met her second mentor— a gay social work student working towards his master's degree at The University of Toronto— through community services. Chow describes him as “not only like a mentor, but also a friend.”
“Whenever I have questions about my relationship, I'll definitely go to him as he can always provide me opinions based on his own personal experience,” she said. He also sat down with her through a Zoom meeting to help Chow work on her university applications, where he proofread her application for scholarships.
“I think not only do LGBTQ+ teens need to have a role model, but everyone needs at least one so they can learn from others and grow as a better person,” said Chow.
"I don't want to lose friends because of my sexuality"
Support for LGBT+ students hasn’t always been available, at least not until 1969, when the first gay and lesbian students’ association was formed at U of T. Jearld Moldenhauer founded The University of Toronto Homophile Association. Moldenhauer was a researcher in the Faculty of Medicine and founder of the Glad Day Bookstore in downtown Toronto.
The student organization influenced other Canadian university students to form their own LGBTQ student groups. Following UTHA, York University Homophile Association became the second gay and lesbian students’ association in 1970 in Canada.
Although Chow thinks she has a good enough support system, she has zero support from her school, forcing her to keep her sexuality a secret due to fear. “I don't have a lot of support from my high school, my classmates and the church, mostly, because some of them don't understand why people would like people of the same sex,” she said. “They think it's so weird, they think it's wrong to be gay. And it makes me feel like I don't belong when I'm hanging out with them.”
She added that the church even taught her to confront those who belong to the LGBTQ community to “make them straight again.”
In 2019, Eagle Canada conducted a survey on the well-being of LGBTQ teens in Canada, in which 64 per cent of all participants reported hearing homophobic comments daily or weekly at school.
“The second national survey is crucial because for the first time we are able to understand how we can better support LGBTQ2S secondary students and educators in creating safer and more inclusive school environments,” said Helen Kennedy, Executive Director at Egale Canada.
In addition, 30 per cent of 2SLGBTQ respondents had been the victims of cyberbullying, compared to 8% of cisgender heterosexual respondents.
In Catholic schools, 35 per cent of students who attend Catholic schools said they have experienced harassment based on their perceived sexual orientation.
Chow said she has met other students who also identify with the LGBTQ+ community, but they were left in the dark because their families don't support them, as well as the pressure they faced from the church. “They can't find someone that's supportive,” said Chow. “I know they're suffering because the people closest to them reject whom they are, saying things that make them feel like they're wrong.”
"When you are so young and your parents might not be accepting of who you are because of their religion or tradition, you have to go to your friends for support,” she said. “There are a lot of daily difficulties that LGBTQ teens face at a young age, without the support from friends even makes it harder for us to survive.
As Chow is preparing for her next big step in life, she said she is excited to attend university and find her own community. She believes that most universities are more accepting than the Christian high school she is currently attending.
“I hope I can find more friends that also belong to this community, so I can have more people to support me or at least accept me for who I am.”